Closure........

Closure...
I have heard this word used many times in many ways. Everything from a kids cartoon movie with a duck telling chicken little he needs "closure" to folks on TV receiving closure on a new home. How does it pertain to grief? One of the dictionary definitions is: an often comforting or satisfying sense of finality. I think of those who have lost loved ones in tragic accidents ( or by other tragic means). They were unable to say "goodbye" or any last words of love. Thus being denied "closure". Unexpected death, in any form, can leave those left behind  unable to come to grips with feelings of grief. Can we have closure apart from being at the bedside of our loved one as they are passing from this life.?
Can we have closure at all in a death situation?  Or Should there even be a sense of  closure? Shouldn't we just hold on as though nothing has changed? Living life as though that person were still here? Questions, questions, questions.
I am not sure I have any answers. I do, however, have some opinions and ideas that I will share with you.

• Can we have closure if we were unable to be with our loved at their passing?

Grief is a funny (not humorous but odd) thing. It affects different people in different ways. For some,  being at the bed side of a loved one expressing love, and saying good byes does bring that sense of finality that we are looking for. For others it does not. I was in the same house with my husband when he died. I was not in the same room or at his side. I was not able to say any last comforting words. I am not sure if I would have felt more of a sense of closure if I had been able to. It was the same when my father passed. I was at work at the time. I arrived at the house after he had gone. We knew Dad was not in good health. We felt like he was on "borrowed" time. Still when that day came there were the usual regrets of things left unsaid and undone. Time brought closure.

• Should there even be a sense of closure? or should we just hold on as though nothing has changed?

This might sound like a strange question. Believe it or not some people live like that. Keeping the room of a loved one the same. Never moving or changing anything even though they have been gone for years. These folks have not been able to bring a sense of closure to their lives. They can not move on.
Maybe it is a feeling of being disloyal to the one who has passed.
Maybe it is a feeling that life will never be that good again.
Maybe it is a feeling of being unfaithful in the case of a spouse.
 I do not know. My opinion is, this kind of thinking can not be healthy physically or mentally. If you are saying, "But you don't know how I feel." Let me tell you I do.
 It is coming up on three years since Daniel passed away. Have I moved on? Let's say I am in the process of moving on. Every time I get into my van I am reminded of the day we bought it. September of 2010. Daniel and I took our two grandsons to the car lot. Daniel had received a scratch off flyer in the mail saying he had won something. The boys were so excited to know what it was. We felt it would be a good experience for them to find out how these things really worked. :)
We NEVER intended to buy a new van. Our old van was not in the best condition, but it was paid for.
One thing led to another and we ended up driving off the lot in my "dream" car. November 19, 2010 at 12:00 pm Daniel was gone.Almost one month to the day later. I have kept the car because I can not afford to get a different one. Not because "it is the one we bought together and I will never let it go" state of mind. I have peace. I have contentment. Peace has a lot to do with my faith in God. Knowing that Daniel is with God.  Time and faith are bringing that  satisfying sense of  closure. It brings healing to my heart.