They say not to make any major decisions for at least a year after the death of someone close to you. I do not know who "they" are, but I decided to follow their advice anyway. It has been 20 months since my husband passed away. After much prayer and counseling I made the major decision to move back to Iowa. This would be a 1700 mile move. It would not come about easily. With much help from friends and family I arrived in Iowa June 27th. Almost 3 years to the day that Daniel and I moved from Council Bluffs, Iowa to Granite Falls, Washington.
I prepared myself for many things, but I did not prepare myself for the flood of memories that would come rushing in when I arrived back in the place that Daniel and I had lived for so many years. We moved to Council Bluffs in 1970 and lived there until June 29th of 2009. There are memories rushing at me from every direction. This is where we lived, this is where he worked, this is where we shopped for groceries. On and on. I went up by the last house that we lived in. I could see the grand kids playing in the yard. Daniel's trucks parked in the driveway. His garden spot. The famous bucket garden. There were tears that day.
These are good memories even though they can be painful at times. I have been torn between the place we lived so long and the last place we were together. (sigh) I am not sure there will ever be a time when memories do not make tears come to my eyes. For those of you who are following me on this path of grief, hang in there. Cherish the memories, but don't allow them to surround you with a cloud of sadness. Sometimes the sadness can seem like a fog that will never lift or go away. It feels like the "sun" will never shine again. That there will be nothing that will make you smile or feel happy. Let me tell you that it will lift, if you let it. (Been there and done that) I can also tell you that it is very easy to let yourself fall back into that fog of sadness. Solution? I do not have one. I can only tell you what has worked for me. Focus on things ahead not so much on things behind. Then add faith, and prayer, and the word of God. Use these tools to build a stairway out of the fog. Do not be hesitant to ask for prayer from friends or your pastor. Reach out to others.
I leave you with the words from this song:
♪♫ Peace, peace, wonderful peace.
Coming down from the Father above,
Sweep over my spirit for ever I pray,
In fathomless billows of love. ♫♫♪
I prepared myself for many things, but I did not prepare myself for the flood of memories that would come rushing in when I arrived back in the place that Daniel and I had lived for so many years. We moved to Council Bluffs in 1970 and lived there until June 29th of 2009. There are memories rushing at me from every direction. This is where we lived, this is where he worked, this is where we shopped for groceries. On and on. I went up by the last house that we lived in. I could see the grand kids playing in the yard. Daniel's trucks parked in the driveway. His garden spot. The famous bucket garden. There were tears that day.
These are good memories even though they can be painful at times. I have been torn between the place we lived so long and the last place we were together. (sigh) I am not sure there will ever be a time when memories do not make tears come to my eyes. For those of you who are following me on this path of grief, hang in there. Cherish the memories, but don't allow them to surround you with a cloud of sadness. Sometimes the sadness can seem like a fog that will never lift or go away. It feels like the "sun" will never shine again. That there will be nothing that will make you smile or feel happy. Let me tell you that it will lift, if you let it. (Been there and done that) I can also tell you that it is very easy to let yourself fall back into that fog of sadness. Solution? I do not have one. I can only tell you what has worked for me. Focus on things ahead not so much on things behind. Then add faith, and prayer, and the word of God. Use these tools to build a stairway out of the fog. Do not be hesitant to ask for prayer from friends or your pastor. Reach out to others.
I leave you with the words from this song:
♪♫ Peace, peace, wonderful peace.
Coming down from the Father above,
Sweep over my spirit for ever I pray,
In fathomless billows of love. ♫♫♪
