21 months. That is the count. I have been wondering if you ever stop counting the months, days, years that have passed since the death of a loved one. In this case my husband. When someone mentions they have lost a loved one, it is usually accompanied by a number representing the length of time that has passed. Example:"My wife passed away 15 years ago". So, my question is, do you ever stop counting? The 19th of every month marks another mile stone for me. I have reached a point where that date does not bring a sense of dread or anxiety. It does however always bring a sense of sadness and memory. Perhaps that is because these feelings of sadness are still just beneath the surface. My next question is, do they ever stop rising to the surface? Perhaps they do when you stop counting by months and start counting by years.
Another thing I have noticed is, I still refer to Daniel and I as "we" or "our". I don't know if I will ever think of myself and just "I". Perhaps the longevity of our time together is the result of this mind set. Even though there have been many physical changes during this last 21 months, mentally and emotionally I am still very much connected to the man I was married to for 43 years. I am not sure this cord will ever be broken or even "disconnected" for that matter.
(sigh) All I can say is "hang in there". We will walk this walk together with the Lord. He is the one holding us up each day.
Another thing I have noticed is, I still refer to Daniel and I as "we" or "our". I don't know if I will ever think of myself and just "I". Perhaps the longevity of our time together is the result of this mind set. Even though there have been many physical changes during this last 21 months, mentally and emotionally I am still very much connected to the man I was married to for 43 years. I am not sure this cord will ever be broken or even "disconnected" for that matter.
(sigh) All I can say is "hang in there". We will walk this walk together with the Lord. He is the one holding us up each day.
1 comment:
I do the same Joy. I always say us and we. Saying "I" may strike the meaning of being alone. That is an awful thing after so many years of being with the same man and love of our life. Being alone is the burden I carry since Frank passed away. The kids have their own families, I do not want to be a burden to them and tell them my troubles. Lord knows they have enough of their own. Yes, the Lord will be here with us, sometimes I just wish I could hear His voice too, so I could have a two way conversation.
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