What helps?.........

When I look back on those awful first days, weeks,months; I remember thinking that nothing would help to ease the hurt I felt. The ache in my heart. The void in my life. What would help? Was there anything that could?
I want to share some of the things that worked for me.
I could not seem to cope with the stillness in the house. Especially at night. I had trouble getting to sleep. Fear would grip me. My mind would be clouded with those awful last images of Daniel. It was during this time that I discovered if I put on some music it would help. I have a portable CD player here. I plugged it in right by the bed and played some music. Along with a nice letter I had received a CD from a friend back in the Midwest. It was by a southern gospel group called Crimson River. I put it in every night. The first song says,"when the glorious tomorrow becomes the glorious today..." I realized that is what it was like for Daniel. Heaven was "today" for him. Every song on there touched my heart. It seemed like at different times, a different song with a different message would reach out and comfort me and help me make it though one more long night. The male vocalist of the group had lost his wife not too long before the CD was recorded. He sings a very moving song entitled "I Place My Trust In You". It didn't happen over night, but gradually I began to do just that. Place my trust in the Lord Jesus Christ.
Take your time. Don't get rid of things too soon. I was told not to make any major decision for at least a year. That is probably good advice. I did, however, gather up Daniel's clothes and donate them to charity. I kept a few of his things. One of these was an old red plaid shirt. He loved that shirt. I remember trying to get him to throw it away. He would not. I bought him another shirt. He thought that was nice, but he kept the old red one anyway. It had been sewn and patched and was ready to fall apart, but he kept it. One of those long, long nights, I could not seem to stop crying. Tears flowed like a fountain without a shut off valve. I remembered the old red shirt in the closet. I got it down, gathered it up in my arms and laid back down in the bed. A peace came over me and I was able to sleep that night.
Don't hesitate to do familiar things that you did together. These are good memories and they helped me ease the pain. I think it will help you too. I put in some of our favorite movies, and set and watched them. We had watched them together many times. These were not "new" movies by any means, but it was comforting to watch them again.
Some find comfort in going to the cemetery. Daniel is not buried here so that was not an option for me. It did give me comfort to go to the places he liked to go to. Or, places we had gone to together.
Some things I still can not do. I have not been able to go back to the cafe where Daniel and I had breakfast on the day he died. It will soon be a year. I have not been able to go eat at the local cafe here in town where he went lots of times by himself for breakfast.
Daniel loved the word of God. He loved to read it and to memorize it. He took pride in memorizing scripture. This was no easy thing for him after his stroke. I have a recorder with him quoting the first chapter of Revelations. At first it was hard to hear his voice. As time passed it gives me comfort to play it from time to time.
One more thing. Talk! Talk to family, friends, church family. Most of all.....talk to the Lord. If you don't have anyone to talk to, e-mail me. I will pray with you and talk to you. Sometimes, I need to talk out loud here in this house. I sat on the couch one day and told Daniel all about a conversation regarding a neighbor who lived across the street from us back in Iowa. I could hear his answers in my head. I knew him well enough to know what he would say back to me. It gave me comfort.
I have a scripture for you:
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed." (Psalm 34:18)He will help you through this dark valley. There is a light....
thereislight2011@hotmail.com