Blue days......

(sigh) What to say. How to say it.
Sometimes a sadness covers me like a blanket. I try to go about my normal activities, but I can not.
My grandsons both play little league football. I like to go to their games and even to their practices. Last Saturday I was setting in the stadium waiting for the game to begin. I could look to the north and see Mount Baker's snow capped peak against the clear blue sky. It was one of those absolutely beautiful days that happen out here. Warm, not a cloud in the sky, and you can see for miles. As I set there looking "normal", tears were running down my cheeks. I tried to wipe them away discreetly, and blow my nose with out notice. Covered in a blanket of sadness on such a day did not seem normal. What caused it?
I am not sure what causes these days, but I can tell you as time goes by they come less frequently. On this particular day, when I looked at the mountains, my mind immediately went to memories of a trip Daniel and I took. He loved going to the mountains. We had taken a trip up into the Cascade mountains to Mount Baker. At least as close as we could get to it. My next thoughts were to him expressing his wishes several times to go there again. (sigh) We never did.
There always seemed to be something keeping us from going.
This sadness hovered over me like a cloud for several days.
Sometimes it only lasts for hours. Then again sometimes it lasts for days. I have tried to shake it off by listening to music or going some place. You can try talking to someone who understands. Eventually it will pass and you can move on. Reading some of your favorite passages of scripture helps. Looking at pictures of a trip or time of celebration that you shared with your loved one helps too.
It is ok to recall the special times and memories. The hard part is to not be drawn to a place of regret and guilt. I am still in the learning process on that one.
My Daniel has been gone 11 months now. Sometimes it feels like yesterday. Is it getting easier? Yes. Is the pain of loss still there? Oh yes. However, it is not quite as sharp as it used to be. Is the loneliness still there? Yes again, but I am not crying all the time. Just some of the time.
Hold on my friends. Again if you need someone to talk to my e-mail address is
thereislight2011@hotmail.com
Psalm 9:1-2
He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God, in him will I trust.