Is it ok to have fun?..........

A few weeks ago I was out and about with a couple of friends. It was a beautiful day here, and we were having a wonderful time. Afterwards it struck me that I had actually had "fun". Happiness had taken over every corner of my heart. I had not felt that way since November 19, 2010. Immediately after that realization came the questions. Can I do that? Is it ok to feel this way? Am I some how being disloyal to Daniel's memory?

I was at a cross roads in this walk with grief. I could choose to give myself permission to be happy again or slid back into sadness. Ultimately I chose to feel ok about my fun day and the happiness it brought. The strangest thing happened next. The fingers of grief that have griped my heart for 14 months began to loosen.

I write in a journal when I wish to "talk" to Daniel about something. I took it out and began to tell him all about my fun day. I know he would not want me to continue in a state of sadness, but until a few weeks ago, no matter how hard I tried it was not possible for me to be completely happy. Pleasant moments were always overshadowed by the sadness of grief. The disappointment that he was not there to share it. The sense of loss that I would not have any more moments like that with him. I felt this was the way it would always be. I was comfortable with that. I was prepared to live the rest of my life like that. Then all of a sudden I have a day of fun and complete happiness. I must confess I did not know how to deal with it. I was not sure it was "proper" for me to feel that way.

Since then I realize that living in the grip of grief for the rest of my life would not be proper. It is normal for grief to begin to let go. Memories will always be there and should be there. I enjoy sharing those memories with others. What I must not allow myself to do is hold on to grief like a memorial to Daniel. Never letting go of sadness and despair as some kind of loyalty to him is not the thing to do.

I am sharing this with you in the hope that you will realize there is a light at the end of the tunnel of grief. Where ever you are in your walk through this tunnel, know that it does have an end. Perhaps your loss has just happened and the hurt is still there like a raw wound. Hold on and allow yourself to heal. My prayer for you is that God will bring you comfort as He did for me in those early days.

Perhaps you are struggling and seem to be "stuck" in the grip of grief. Unable to move on. Give yourself permission to move on. It is ok. Hold the memories close, but let the fingers of grief release your heart.
I hope to share a picture with you. When I look at it, I am reminded of the verse in Psalms 23 that says,..."He leads me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul...."
The the joy of the Lord restore you soul. 
Please feel free to email me at thereislight2011@hotmail.com