How to begin again......

12:00 PM November 19th 2010 my world came to a screeching halt. Life as I knew it stopped that day. Sure I went through the motions the next few days, but it did not seem real. It was about this time last year that I began to start again. I had been going back to church. One Sunday my pastor came to me and gently asked me if I would consider joining with some others to form a small choir for the Christmas program. Not only did he want me to sing, he wanted me to speak as well. My first reaction was NO. (I didn't yell at him out loud, but I was yelling in my head.) I just knew I could never do anything like that again. His words were, " Will you pray about it?" That I could not say no to. Little did I know it was the jump start that I needed to begin living again.
Let me give you a little back ground so you can see the Lord's hand working through all this. I had only been going to this church since we had moved into the area a little over a year earlier. However, it was my understanding that they usually had a play for Christmas. This year the pastor felt they should do something different. He chose to have a choir, and songs that told the Christmas story. He asked different ones to give their testimony in between the songs. My song was "Oh Holy Night". My favorite Christmas carol. Can you see how the Lord is working here? I am thankful we have a pastor who is willing not only to listen to the voice of the Lord but do what He says.
It wasn't that I had never sang before. I have been a singer all my life. It wasn't that I was afraid of speaking. I have done that most of my adult life too. It was the fact that I had stopped living the day Daniel died. I was breathing and walking around, but there was no life in me. I did not know if I could regain life. I was not even sure I wanted to.
Pastor came to me again and gently, that is his way, nudged me. He said he thought my testimony would be a blessing to others. The Holy Spirit nudged me too. He took me by the hand, and I said yes to the pastor. What to say? What could I say about the song? How could I keep from being reduced to tears? All of these things went through my mind as I began to prepare for the program. One night as I lay in bed the words started to come to me. I got up and wrote them down. It was not a long speech, but it came from the Holy Spirit.
We were scheduled to preform twice that Sunday morning. I was hoping I could get through it once let alone twice. My grand children came with me. My grandson Sam sat about the second or third row from the front right at the end of the pew. When it was my time to speak, I went to the microphone and began. Tears came to my eyes. Would I be able to hold it together, I wondered. I looked out at my grandson. He had a big smile on his face, and gave me a thumbs up. He will never know what that meant to me that day.
This time last year I received the jump start I needed to start living again. I don't know where you are in your time of grief, but sooner or later you will need to begin again. Life will never be the "same". My life today is not the same. Everything changed from my daily routine, to the way I buy groceries and cook meals. BUT, I am starting to live again. I hope and pray you will too. Come out of the depths of despair. Am I still sad? Yes. Do I still miss Daniel? Yes, every day. Will I ever get used to it? I am not sure.
I do know that God holds me in the palm of His hand and keeps me day by day. I do know that He will do the same for you.
As we head toward a new year, my prayer is that you will begin to live again if you have not already.
"For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord." Luke 2:11